A prayer for Sweet P

Lord,

I don't know what I'm doing. I am out of my depth, in this trial you have allowed me. I need you.
I love my children. My babies. I fought hard to get them here, and yet in my arms, the fight did not stop. No my fight is not like others mom, some have it so hard I can barely breathe thinking of how they fight for their babies. My babies are healthy and well compared to so many...but they still have troubles that their mama can't figure out.
My sweet P is having a hard time like her brother did. So much unhappiness, and pain. I know there must be something I can do, but I don't have the insight...the all knowledge that you do. Give me wisdom to care for her.
Just a few feet from me she tosses and turns, grunts and groans, trying to cling to sleep...something that just so easily gets taken from her right now. Please show me how to help her get rest. Help me to find MY rest, even when physical is impossible, in YOU. I get so frustrated, so burned out. Only You can keep me going.
Heal her belly. I don't know what's causing it, really. All I know is the nourishment my body is meant to provide her in these wee months of her life, are in a cruel twist, making her sick. I can see every day how it makes her feel worse. It heavies and weighs my heart to give her something man-made, even though I know it's best for her right now. I hate breaking that special bond, but i know that it doesn't change my love for her, or YOUR love for either of us, for me to give her the man-made to make her better.
What a comfort to know You can see the other side of this, the outcome, just the same as you see me struggling in it now. While i can only wonder as i try to soothe her, crying and kicking, you see her as her happy little self, without the belly troubles.
Let me not forget how you carried us through this...I want to tell her when she is 2, when she is 4...when she is 16, how good you were to us in these times...always.

Thank you for her world-ending cute smile..if ever the earth could stop moving for cuteness, i am convinced it would have when she first smiled. You MADE that smile, to MAKE my day. And so many others. Thanks for that. When it's hard, that smile melts my frustration, and reminds me of why i will keep fighting.

You are always good.
Amen

Life. . .

Right now the speed of life is both in fast forward...and slow motion. How ironic that things can be like that at the exact same time.
It's hard to believe Sweet P is 3 months old now.  . .somehow it felt longer getting to 3 months with W. Of course Sweet P was born right before several major holidays, and we all know those just fly by.

I want to blog more. . .I have tons of ideas and things to share. . but finding the chance to take photos is hard!

Sweet little girl is a fussy one. Thankful that she's not a screamer (like W was), but she's definitely crying more than smiling right now. We're trying some diet changes, hoping it improves her mood, praying that it's fixable. Most days I spend sitting right here at the keyboard, bouncing her away in the bouncer with the vacuum going to help soothe her. I know someday it will all just be a memory, a story i tell her, and others...so I'm determined to find the things to be thankful for in it.

Not that it makes the hard any less HARD. . .but i think thankfulness despite difficulty is how God gets us through. It's how he fulfills those promises-the ones about joy even in sorrow, even in the face of the impossible.

I'm so grateful i started reading Ann Voskamp's book last month...it's helped tremendously during the day to day with a 2 year old, and a fussy baby. Looking for the thing to give praise for makes the "trials" so might lighter. Read it. Especially if you're going through a struggle right now.

So for now I will just share some photos I've been able to (quickly) snap recently.

 (these really were taken yesterday! It was over 60 degrees here in Jersey!)

A Month in Pictures. . .

From Dec 19th to January 19th....

Making Salt Dough ornaments (Which BTW did NOT come out very good!)

Helping "Beeebeee"

The Fam (Hubby's)

It's not a family photo unless W cries

Foods (By Hubby)

Apple Oven Pancake

Homemade Soft Pretzels

  

Bath

Little Feet (that almost never stop moving)

Sweet P

Just a few days ago my lovely OTHER sister volunteered to do maternity photos of my ever-getting-huger bump! She did a FANTASTIC job, and I'm so in love with the results! 

I can't wait to get some of these printed up and around the house!

We took them in a beautiful orchard right near my parents house....

W LOVED the location. All the "pumples" (Apples) he could eat!

Hubby can barely hug me anymore....my belly be HUGE!

The first shoes I bought for my little girl! I never thought I'd get so excited about shoes!

                                           

Sweet P was only about 6 months along in the Ultrasound pic...we couldn't get a snap of her now...she's so BIG you can't even tell what's what anymore!

My super brilliant U/S tech informed me that Sweet P has LONG legs a rather LARGE noggin, and weighs almost 6 lbs now! Way ahead of big brother!

Yes, this is my belly! I have no belly button, lots of stretch marks, and imperfect skin. 

But it's all for my babies, so it's worth every imperfection I get!

My sister is brilliant!

And to top it off here's a comparison of my pregnancy photos with W. I was only 2 or 3 weeks away in the shot on the right, I still have 5 weeks in the one on the left!